By Now
by Tariel H
Summary: But I've been taking you for granted and I thought you'd feel the same as me it's time that I come clean but for now can we just both pretend to sleep?
1. Chapter 1

There is a ray of sunlight beaming through the window landing direct on the tiny bunk bed. His body is crammed next to hers and he can feel each gentle breath as she inhales ad exhales. He arms are wrap around her and for a moment his breath is taken away. She fits perfectly against him and his olive skin contrasts beautifully with her creamy alabaster skin.

Slowly he brushes one of the azure stands of hair out of her face. For now, he is content watching the shafts of sunlight dance and flicker across her pale skin. Her body is laid bare to him, her pearly breasts and rosy nipples but he does not touch her.

Already he sees the bruises from their lovemaking forming and her lower abdomen, shoulders, collarbone and back.

"I should have been more careful_ mi dulce_. I am sorry." He whispers this in her ear wanting her to know that he didn't mean to, wanting to tell her how much he loved her and needed her and never wanted to hurt her.

The words are ghosts on his lips but the she awakens. Her storm grey eyes open slowly and she pushes her body upwards to sit up, leaning against the window. Gwen wraps her arms around her body hiding the sight of her body from him. Her eyes scan the morning dawn taking in the soft hues of yellows, pinks, purples and oranges.

"I'd love to paint this sunrise_ Principe. _Just me, the paints and this." She whispers this so softly he almost doesn't catch her words. Alejandro smiles at this and rubs her back in small circles shifting her so she sits on his lap.

He catches the hitch in her breath as he sneaks a hand up her chest.

"Alejandro, no…" She says and he can sense the tired from her, sees it in her eyes but he wants her.

"Let me have you." He half growls this as he cups her beasts again; he hears her shudder feels her body give in to his touch.

"I will have you… Just say give me the word mi dulce..." He makes her mewl softly as his hands roam her body and he barely hears her as she whispers

"…Yes…"

He makes love to her again as dawn's rays wrap around the island and the day starts but falls asleep to the sound of her heartbeat.

* * *

By the time he wakes Gwen has pushed his body away from hers and has begun the process of putting her clothes back on. A smiles stretches lazily across his face and he reaches out to pulls a strand of her hair.

"Running away _mi dulce?_"

She flinches; her eyes screwed shut and her body curling up tightly. He can almost see her retreat into herself as she has every night before.

_I thought we had made progress…_

"Gwen, what is wrong?" His hands are groping for her, to pull her to him but she only stares into him, her soulful eyes fervently raking into him.

"I can't do this. Alejandro… I can't…" Her words come out fast, each sounding more forced than before and for a moment her words are lost in the rustle of clothing. She has some difficulty pulling her shirt over stomach but as she soon as she does she turns to him.

Tears are forming at the corner of her eyes and Alejandro reaches out to cup her cheeks in is hands. His thumbs stroke her face pulling her close, closer. His lips hover over hers but then her flightiness is back.

She pulls back as if his touch has burned her and then she is gone. The sunlight is too warm against his skin now; the only thing on his mind is her.

His breath crashes in his throat and for a moment he is numb. He runs his fingers over the pane of glass and sees her.

She is running and crying and then _he_ is running after her that damned punk. Alejandro closes his fist and smashes it against the glass. Shards of glass and blood are flying but it doesn't matter.

He cradles his blood-ridden hand but feels nothing, sees nothing. There is a cold numbness and Gwen was the only who could feel it.

"She will be mine..."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the support guys it keeps me going. Let me know what I can do to make this story better I am always open to suggestions. This chapter is a bit longer that the first and is setting up the rest of the story which will probably wind up being rather long. **

**On a bonus note, the person who can give me the name of the song this story is modeled after will get a free one shot of whatever fandom the choose (preferably this one but I'm open. **

**Also, there has been a 10 year time skip fro the events in chapter one so every one is now 27 years old (they left TDI/TDWT in the past). **

**Thanks so much and I absolutely the feedback. **

**Read, Review and enjoy :) **

**~Tariel **

* * *

"Alejandro it's been almost 10-

"Don't even think about finishing that sentence," Alejandro said calmly sipping coolly from a bottle of Corona. The club lights are flashing with obnoxious psychedelic colors that give him a headache but he keeps his eyes trained on the massive, gyrating crowd.

"The chances of you finding her are less than 10 percent, hey what do you know it's the same amount of time you've been pinning after that whore." Noah's sarcastic drawl bit into Alejandro but the expected punch didn't come. Noah alone had gone through at least 3 beers and more than a few jello shots, so Alejandro expected him to be drunk and bitter.

_Only need you for your brains kid, anything else and you'd just be in my way. _

"Damn it, Alejandro are you listening to me at all?" The other mans words were beginning to slur now, so Alejandro took no heed to the words of his friend and turned his face slightly. A flash of long azure hair whipped by and in a flash Alejandro entered the spiraling crowd.

In the midst of the throng there is only heat and sweat and bodies pressing against each other in the climax of the song. Women pull at him calling out drunken nothings but his eyes are only on one.

Just like Noah had promised (before he was inebriated), she was there. Her hair was long and supple now going down to her waist but not blue like Alejandro originally believed.

Now her hair was a starless black, onyx like night but shone blue when it hit the lights. Now, ten arduous years later, Gwen's body had filled out. She now had an hourglass shape; her breasts and ass grew out to fill up her still very tiny frame. Her hair swung back and forth as her body moved grinding against some punk rocker. Thee unknown mad held her by her hips pressing her against him and they moved together in a sensual dance.

Alejandro's eyes flashed, his brow furrowing. He felt his pulse quicken, felt the anger burning in his stomach but as he was leaving, Gwen caught his eyes.

Her storm grey eyes.

They hadn't changed in all of these years.

The chill started in the base of his spine and moved upwards through his body, her eyes alone froze him and he couldn't not look at her.

"She's beautiful," He murmured to himself. Against his will his body moved forward to meet her however the punk rocker she was dancing with tightened the grip on her hips and leaned forward to plant a possessive kiss on the bare of her shoulders.

His hands roamed her body (just as Alejandro had done on the day she left) and Gwen turned to him, her left hand reached up to stroke one stubble cheek. By the time she turned back Alejandro made sure that he made himself disappear.

* * *

All at once the brightness of the lights in the club feel cloying instead of comforting, instead of the crowd being comforting she feels claustrophobic.

The lights are flashing, flashing and the tightness in her chest restricts her breathing for a second. The arms around her tighten and Duncan feels the rigidity of her posture.

"Who's ass do I have to beat pretty girl?" The playful tone in his voice is a poor attempt to hide how worried he really is and they both know it.

"We have to go home Duncan. Now." Her voice makes it clear that there is no room for argument but Duncan will.

"This night was for us to get out and be a couple. This night was for us to be 27 seven year old adults. Hell Gwen, this was — "

He catches her eyes and sees how her pupils are dilated; he sees the fear.

And the tears.

He reaches up to brush away them away, expects the flinch from him and so instead he takes her by the hand and leads her out to where their car is waiting.

She doesn't cry, that's not who she is, all she does is retreat into herself.

She doesn't allow him to open the door; she doesn't allow him to see her eyes. She just sits down and curls her legs up against her chest and leans her head against the window.

"Gwen, talk to me." His tentatively breaks the silence of the car.

"I mean one minute we're at the club and you're dancing all up on me and then…"

"And then what Duncan." There is a coldness in her voice that he hasn't heard for years.

"You know what Gwen. I don't want to fight you pretty girl, so stop looking for one. All I'm trying to do is figure out what the hell messed up our good night."

"Don't you mean your good night." It's reached the point where both parties are aiming for the spots that wound the most.

"So it's like that now? I'm the one to blame-

"I thought I aw Alejandro at the club. I panicked."

"Seeing ghosts from the past?" He feigned checking her temperature and chuckled quietly under his breath.

"Silly girl…" Duncan should've eaten his words before they exited his mouth.

"Silly girl huh? Let me out of the car."

"Gwen don't the girls are expecting us"

"I'll be home. Just not with you. You laugh when I tell you what was wrong. I think his presence threatens you. Damn it I was just seeing things anyway but you know I really don't want to see your face right now."

"Gwen please"

"Let me out."

"Listen to me"

"No! Let me out of the fucking car!"

By now, her voice was cracking and she was playing with the only strand of blue hair she had. Her fingers nervously twirled the strand between her thumb and index fingers and she had her eyes screwed tight as if trying to ward of the bad memories of that Latin bastard.

"Duncan please." Her voice took on a tone of desperation, and dimly he realized she was pleaded with him.

"Fine. Whatever. What do you want me to tell the children." Duncan spat out the words, by now being fed up with the whole argument.

"You're only doing this to run away. This all circulates back to him Gwen when are you going to let go. You promised me." He pulled the Comet they drove in to an empty lot and leaned his head down against the steering wheel.

"How long are you going to let this ghost come between us Gwen? One day I won't wait for you anymore. I feel like I'm wasting my time"

He slammed his head against the steering wheel in frustration and cursed loudly, his voice harsh and grating. He turned to look at her, to apologize and saw it.

She was sobbing, silently into her hands and staring at him with mixture of hurt and pity and desperation.

He rubbed the back of his Mohawk and closed his eyes.

"Gwen, look I'm sorry."

All he got in return was the sound of the door slamming and her footsteps walking a thousand miles away from him.


	3. Chapter 3

**_10 years ago.._**

"_Not dying nor living nor healing, there is no pain in my sickness for I am not kept from her love."_

_Gwen laughs gingerly at his words and goes to move a strand of hair out of her face but he is there before her hand is. His fingers have a purposeful movement; they trail slowly down the pane of her cheek, across her lips and finally to her forehead where he pins the bothersome piece of hair with a sparkly pink pin._

"_Pink was never my color Alejandro. But thank you. And get your half naked ass back over to that stool." _

_He rewards her with one of his breathtaking smiles but his hands linger on her forehead idly tracing circles on her forehead. _

"_Alejandro please…" His eyes wander down to her lips and travel languorously to her lips. _

"_Is that what you really want chica? For me to back off?" He is leaning dangerously close now his breath ghosting down her on her cheek, one hand tilting her face upwards to make her stare into his pale viridian eyes. _

_There is a deadly silence between them; she is staring through him with her old, soulful grey eyes and all at once her lips are on his and his fingers are pulling her hair. One hand has traveled down to press against her hips and circles her back making her press her body against him even tighter. _

_She finds herself gasping and moaning, his lips attacking her, first soft then harder, more intimate and passionate kisses are pressed against her lips and neck. _

_Just as soon as it started, it is over with the ring of the bell in the mess hall and the figure of Duncan can be seen by the both of him. He carrying a bouquet of her favorite flowers, small blue forget-me-not's. _

"_Has the hard ass punk gone soft for this…delicate little flower?" Alejandro licks his lips and places a possessive hand against Gwen's hips. Duncan's eyes meet hers, he sees the fear and lust and longing but cant help leaning forward and pressing one of the tiny blue buds in her hair. _

"_If you ever change you're mind pretty girl, you know where my cabin is" Duncan whispers softly against her ear and he quickly kisses her cheek before exiting the mess hall._

* * *

Gwen's eyes open for the fifth time as the house line rang. It was Duncan, wanting an explanation for why she had thrown him out of her house and her actions at Club Knight.

She curls herself up under her covers and pushes the pillow under her away.

_It smells like Duncan…_

She forces herself to rise as the phone beeps, telling her that the said man had left yet another voicemail.

"Gwen, please talk to me. I'm sorry okay? Stop ignoring me." Gwen sighed heavily, her shoulders sagging as she listened to his latest voicemail. The pattern was getting old, 10 years of this push and pull between them and they still had no resolution.

"I really can't deal with this right now Duncan…" She whispered out loud as she leaned against the worn walls of her apartment. The rare moment of peace was broken when her 10-year-old daughter, Izzy wandered down the hallways, her mahogany mussed and knotted and her eyes still dropping from sleep.

"Mommy why does the phone keep ringing so loudly… Essie keeps tossing and turning and she can't sleep and …" Izzy's voice trailed off as her mother pulled her into her lap and smoothly raked her hand through her child's hair.

"Hush love…" Gwen stood her child up and picked her up in her arms. Izzy mewled happily and curls up against her. It was a luxury for her mother to ever pick them up or hold their hands, so she took it for all of its worth.

"You're getting heavy little girl. I shouldn't be picking you up. You need to learn to…" Izzy's snore cut Gwen's gentle teasing and she sighs as she places her oldest child in her deep purple comforter.

She turns to pull Izzy's twin sister Essie into the bed with her sister. She had fallen asleep curled up in the plush seat that Duncan had bought for the twins on their 9th birthday.

"Mama…Daddy…where's Duncan… I want Duncan…" Essie murmured softly as she curled against her pillow, looking like a ten year old with not a care in the entire world. She managed to find the warmth of her sister and she rests her forehead in the cradle between Izzy's face and collarbone. Gwen couldn't help but smile, the two were closer than blood and it was one of her small joys to see her daughters like this.

"I love you…my children…" She leaned down to kiss Izzy on the forehead, and then Essie.

She quietly closes the door, pulling her worn college hoodie over her and turns on the kettle for a pot of tea. The cat the twins conned her into keeping was meowing loudly outside, so she walks to the doors.

She cracks the door open and stoops down to collect the black kitten. He mewled happily and pushed he small wet nose against her palm.

"You damn cat."

"You look beautiful Gwen." Duncan's voice catches her completely off her guard and she topples backwards, the cat flying into the air and hissing at sight of the man.

"What the-" He brings his finger to his lips and picks her up, pulling her out of the house and into the warm morning air.

"Here, these are for you." He thrusts a bouquet of small blue flowers into her hands and moves to play with a strand of her hair.

"Forget-me-not's… Do you really think you can waltz here with your flowers do you even remember the last time you gave this to me? It was the day...Alejandro...You made it clear where the girls and I stand in your —"

Duncan's face darkens, the lights casting deeper shadows across the lines on his face and he cuts her off with a smooth kiss but she pushes him away, more vexed.

"I know I promised we'd be a real family. I know I promised I'd marry you but that was before Alejandro showed up."

"You said yourself you were just seeing things. I'm sorry, you know I love you Gwen please… Forget about him, you have me and the girls... Don't say his name, just forget the bad..." She presses the flowers to her nose and inhales the scent and subconciously moves forward to lean into his chest.

"Does this mean you forgive me pretty girl?" Duncan wraps his arms around her, and she closes her eyes, letting the scent of axe body spray and gasoline wash over her.

And she finds herself desperately wishing that it was Alejandro's arms around her, and it was the scent of cinnamon and tea tree oil and sex that was washing over her.

* * *

_**Several hours later in a shabby apartment **_

Alejandro doesn't remember walking out of the club; he doesn't remember driving back to his shabby apartment so he isn't all that surprised to find Noah curled up against his chest snoring softly. The smaller man moves to snuggle his face in the curve of Alejandro neck.

"This really isn't okay Noah."

"You'd take any chance to be with me huh. It's a damn shame I'm not into you." Alejandro pushes himself up and roughly pushes Noah away from him.

"_Bebé volver a memoir_...comes back…" Noah said, his words still slurred but Alejandro only pulled the other man out of the bed and unceremoniously dumped him in the tub (which just happens to be full of cold water).

"What the hell Alejandro!" Noah's arms were flailing, his eyes opening wide wide shock and indignation, but Alejandro grabs a fistful Noah's hair violently jerking his head backward.

"You said she'd be alone." Alejandro voice was cool; no anger was betrayed in his voice. He grips the back of Noah's chocolate locks harder making the smaller man whimper loudly in pain.

"Alejandro…"

"You are going to figure out who. No. Forget it. You've been feeding me half truths for ten years haven't you? Blink once of yes, blink twice for no." Alejandro pulls the hairs on the back on Noah's scalp making tears roll down the other man's cheek and blood rolls down Alejandro's knuckles.

He blinked once, tears streaming down his tanned cheeks and Alejandro released him, turning his back and he began to walk out of the apartment, throwing a contemptuous glance over his shoulder.

"I'm just going to have to get her myself."


	4. Chapter 4

_He was staring at her mouth, his eyes half-lidded and she caught her breath, feeling that gaze as surely as if he'd touched her. Then a shadow passed across his face, sadness replacing the desire in his eyes, and he looked away from her._

"_Duncan, what is it…?" Gwen cocked her head to the side, her lingerie falling to one side. Her hair was mussed slightly, and the peaks of her breasts were visible through the soft silk. He shifts his hips and she slides forward squealing. The supple fabric shifted upwards exposing her pale cream-colored thighs and her breasts are pressing against his chest. _

"_It's nothing." He shook his head from left to right, trying to rid himself of the repulsive thoughts and focus on the tiny, beautiful woman sitting on his lap. _

_Her lips met his and she kisses him, softly and sweetly with just a touch of longing. _

"_Is this how you kissed him?" The question slips out of his mouth as his hands cup her breasts and his face pressed against her collarbone. Instantly her posture is static, the expression on her face harsh, the lines on her face drawn in together and her grey eyes dancing a storm. _

_Her anger has him memorized, Gwen has never seemed so dangerous or alluring to him. _

"_Gwen, look…" _

"_What do you want to know Duncan? What's the answer you want to hear? No it's not the way I kissed him. You two are… Damn it!"_

"_Gwen I'm sorry I'm sorry I know you're mine now -"_

"_I'm pregnant." Her face is stone, and she slides off of his lap, wrapping a shawl tightly around her small frame. Duncan collapses on the bed, his eyes open in a state of permanent shock. _

"_It's snowing outside…" Her voice was muted; she spoke almost as quietly as the snow fell. _

_Duncan moved then, wrapping his arms around her and placed on hand upon her stomach. If he closes his eyes, he thinks he can feel the swell of her stomach, he thinks he can feel a baby's heartbeat. _

"_I hope it's mine." He whispers softly against her ear._

* * *

The alarm clock rang, once, twice, three times and as if that was their cue, Izzy and Essie ran into their mothers' room and jumped on her bed.

"Mommy it's time to get up!" Izzy's high-pitched timbre was loud enough to wake even the soundest sleeper.

Gwen mock groaned, dramatically cracking one eye open to stare at the bouncing children on her bed.

"If you let Mommy sleep another ten minutes, you can have you're surprise now instead of later." Gwen knew she had the twins' attention as the bouncing on her bed instantly stopped.

"…Where is our surprise Mama?" Essie's soft burr of a voice got under her skin, somehow reminding her of…

_I'm not going there today… _

Gwen held up her wrist and pretended to check an imaginary watch.

"It should be here in three… two…"

"One!" On cue, Duncan burst in the room, jumping on the bed and tackled Izzy who screamed with delight. They tumbled around, Izzy shrieking with delight and Duncan pretending to run away from her.

"Daddy's home!" Izzy propelled her body towards Duncan, throwing her arms around the giant bear of a man. He wrapped his arms around her; his eye's crinkling with a smile that was hidden by her head of hair.

"Don't I get love from my third pretty girl?" He held out his arms in Essie's direction but her eyes held only suspicion. Essie back away, leaning towards her mother and averted her eyes. Izzy felt the tension from her twin and tried to pull out of Duncan's arm to interrogate her sister.

However, Duncan propelled her over his shoulders as he tickled her mercilessly. The look he gave Essie wasn't lost on Gwen. It was one he had given her it the early days when she still pinned over Alejandro. It only made Essie withdraw into herself even more, she had been afraid of Duncan ever since the amusement park incident.

She pulled her youngest in her lap and whispered

"How about me and you have a girls day? Just me and you and you can tell me all about it sweetheart?" She made three sections in Essie's long, dark auburn hair and made a plait, tying the end with a sparkly, bright pink butterfly pin. Izzy and Duncan let out twin snickers as Essie scrunched up her nose, closing one eye to better evaluate the pink monstrosity in her hair.

"Mom… Really?" Essie blushed as her taciturn voice caused her family to laugh, the roll over, bust a lung kind of laugh. Duncan wiped tears out of his eyes as he checked his watch still suppressing chuckles.

"Sorry Mom, I'm borrowing Izzy for a secret date." Duncan announced as he smiled wolfishly at her. He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Gwen's lips. Izzy and Duncan shared a conspirator's smile and then both winked surreptitiously at the other. Duncan grabbed her by the legs and slung her over his shoulders. She grabbed onto his green Mohawk and pulled his eyebrow piercings.

"Damn girl, you're getting almost too heavy to do this." He mock groaned at the weight and then they were off, and only god knew where.

Essie's eyes followed them till they had disappeared out of the bedroom, but didn't say anything until she heard the door slam shut. Her daughter visibly loosened, her posture less rigid and she turned her doe like eyes upon her mother.

One hand touched the butterfly in her hair and her face widened in a warm smile, one that made the edges of her eyes crinkle and her deep-dish dimples visible.

"I love it Mama… Thank you!" She caught her mother off guard by throwing her arms around her neck and Gwen held her rubs her back in small circles.

"I want to cut my hair." Gwen sighed and drew back to look in her daughter's eyes. Essie is fingering her braid and looks so hopeful, so innocent that she cannot refuse her.

_She never asks for a thing in the world, and she is always living in the shadow of her twin… Maybe it's my fault she's so introverted…_

"You really want to cut this hair?" Gwen asks as she unties the braid, running her fingers over the dark, thick locks of chocolate brown.

"I'm tired of being mistaken for Izzy. We are so different Mama even though we look just alike. I just want to be me."

Gwen doesn't say anything, the child's logic left her feeling stumped and vaguely guilty but there was a sort of swelling pride in her. So, she walks to the kitchen grabbing a tarp and the two pairs of scissors.

By the time the haircut is done, her daughter looks like a tanned Emma Watson. A short, pixie styled cut and a sparkly pink pin anchor the bangs to the right side of her forehead.

To celebrate, Essie requests a trip to the park, which of course means ice cream. They walk out of the house Essie clutching a book to her chest and her mother carrying a sketchpad, pencils and a 20-dollar bill.

The walk is silent, Essie was never the talking type but every minute of so she glances at Gwen's face, partially to make she was still there. Gwen plasters a reassuring smile, and tentatively Essie returns the grin.

"You need to learn to act your age sweetheart. I know things have been hard on you since the amusement park…" Essie winces, and stares at the ground. Her shoulders sag and she mutters at the ground

"The ice cream man is right there… Can I hold you're sketchpad Mama…?" Gwen crouch's down to kiss her on the forehead.

"I love you Esmeralda okay? I know it's scary but…"

"Can you please just get some ice cream…?" Essie is looking away, and Gwen sighs. She has cut herself off from the world and Gwen can only be there when Essie decides to let people back in.

* * *

The park is bright and green and Essie tilts her cheek to meet the sun. The line for ice cream is long, all the people are started to give the young girl a headache.

She finds an empty park bench and admires the art throughout her mother sketchbooks. This was always the best part of her day; to see the pencil lines and paint lines and the masterpieces her mom creates.

"I want to be just like mom when I grow up…" _if I ever grow up…_

Essie swings her legs back and forth, thumbing through each page when a flash of tan skin caught her eye. She flips to the page and there on the page is a watercolour of a man.

A beautiful man, who has the same pale green eyes as her, a similar tan skin, the same dark brown hair that her mother loves so much, he looks very much like her and Izzy.

More than Duncan does.

The truth is clear, very clear in Essie's ten-year-old mind and she runs her finger over the painting. So many questions formulate in her mind and she is smiling uncontrollably.

"I told Izzy I told her Duncan wasn't our real Dad…" In her elation, she ran down the nearest path to try and find her mother, to tell her the good news that she had found their father. She kept running and running but the ice cream man wasn't anywhere in sight.

She stop running and clutched the sketch book to her chest. The blood is pounding in her ears and her arms are shaking, the papers rattle like leaves.

"Mommy! Mommy where are you…" Her voice starts off high pitched and loud but decrescendo's to a whisper. No one notice the child with the pixie hair cut and the sparkly pink pin and the giant sketchpad.

The tears are coming, blurring her vision and her knees shake but then strong arms lift her in and she is encompassed in warmth.

The man from the picture is carrying her murmuring a lullaby in Spanish. His face is exactly like in the picture, and her green eyes meet his green eyes. The man tries to hide his shock, but she's been reading the emotions of others for too long. She holds up the picture of him and touches one cheek softly. He flinches at the contact, but his eyes never leave hers.

"…Daddy…?"


	5. Chapter 5

"Daddy." The girl says it more confidently this time and her eyes never left his. And the really crazy thing is, somewhere deep inside him he knows that he is the father of this girl child.

"It would appear that I am your father. What's is your name child?" He has to think before each word; already he wants to leave a good impression on this sprite of a girl. He wants her to remember that he is her father.

"My name is Esmeralda Maria Brooke but everyone calls me Essie and my mama's name is Gwendolyn Brooke. Daddy where have you been all this time? How did you find me does mama know you're here?" Essie's eyes widen and tears begin to form at the corner of her green eyes.

"We have to find Mama, please Daddy help me find her. She was by the ice cream man and then I turned away and the ice cream man wasn't behind me and…"

Alejandro cradles his daughter to his chest as she sobs humming that same lullaby softly in her ear. He doesn't know what to do, but her crying stops as he rubs slow circles against her back.

"Don't lose me like Duncan did…" She whispers and clutches the sketchbook closer to her chest. Hot coils of anger sparks at the mention of the man, one for interfering in his relationship and one for apparently losing his child. Blessedly, the train of anger is cut short when he seeing Gwen's figure further up the path.

"I think we found your mother sweet one. Stop your crying, okay?" Essie head whips around and she jumps out of Alejandro's arms to run to her mother.

Gwen's eyes are red rimmed like she has been crying and she clutches her daughter to her chest like she is her lifeline. Alejandro steps back, his heart beating absurdly hard and loud as he runs a finger through his hair.

Awkwardly he stuffs his hands in his pockets, waiting for Essie to acknowledge him.

_She's gotten so beautiful. And Essie is the perfect mix of us. But why… Why did she leave me…? Why didn't she contact me…? _

He is abruptly pulled out of his thoughts when Essie tugs on sleeve, a radiant smile of joy on her face.

His eyes travel to Gwen's and notes that she had been staring at him longer. Her eyes don't hold any fear or hatred just a deep sadness. And longing.

"Daddy, this is my Mama. Isn't she beautiful" Essie looks up at him expectantly, her green eyes wide and hopeful. He musses her short hair (it suits her character somehow) and recognizes the pink pin in her hair.

_I gave that to Gwen when she painted me… All these years... _

Essie is still waiting for an answer, and Alejandro gives her a genuine smile directing it first at his daughter (the word has a strange taste in his mouth) and then to Gwen.. He shifts his smile to Gwen and he notes how she bites her lips, a faint blush spreading across her cheek.

"You're _madre _is indeed very beautiful. The years have been kind to you, Gwen."

"I wish I could say the same to you Alejandro."

She really hasn't changed.

"Still pretending to be brave I see. Especially now that you… we have this little one."

"I'm not little, me and Izzy just turned ten!" Essie couldn't help but to interject.

"It's Izzy and I and Alejandro, there is no we. She is my child, you weren't around to help." Her eyes are burning with anger and pain. She draws Essie against her chest; the gesture is more possessive than protective.

"Would you rather me disappear again? She is obviously my child I have rights…

"You have no fucking rights to my daughter Alejandro! You have no claim to either of them, because Duncan is their father in everything but blood. You are nothing. Nothing to them and nothing to me." She isn't yelling bit her voice steadily grows higher and higher and the tears are threatening to overcome.

The last thing he wants to do is make her cry, she is too beautiful to cry and he loves her even now when she is yelling and him and calling him nothing.

"We both know the truth. You still love me Gwen. I don't know why you left-"

"I don't fucking you love Alejandro I love Duncan and I'm going to marry him ad he will be the father of my girls.

There is stillness after her outburst and by now Essie is sobbing and Alejandro feels like ice. His eyes are blank he face frozen on Gwen. A single tear rolls down her face and she turns away. Her hand finds Essie's and she tries to tug her away but Essie only cries harder and runs toward Alejandro. She trips and lands on her knees and his daughters' tears bring him back to earth.

He scoops her up in his arms and kisses her forehead, mussing her hair again.

"I love you Essie. Be good to your _madre _for me." He pulls her towards her mother and then walks away.

He doesn't look back once, as he doesn't want either Gwen or Essie to see the single tear running down his face.

* * *

The walk home with Essie is tense and silent. Gwen tries to engage her daughter in some sort of conversation but Essie is like ice. Her head is held high, and she never once looks at her mother.

"Essie, you have to understand that man is not your father, Duncan is." Silence.

"Essie please honey you have to understand why I did it. I did it so you and me and Izzy and Duncan can all be a family.

"Mom just stop." Essie's voice is cold; she stands in front of their door, her fists clenched at her sides. Her little shoulders are shaking and she roughly pushes her mother away when she tries to comfort her.

"Essie please…"

"You know mom, you can be insanely selfish sometimes. Let me in the house." Gwen's heartbreaks, but she says nothing. She only opens the door and Essie runs inside, her chest heaving.

Gwen hears a door slam, and she presses her back against the door and slides down. She rests her hand in her lap and lifts her eyes to stare at the sky. The sky is blue and there is a cold breeze in the air. Somewhere in some pocket she pulls out a blue colored pencil

_Maybe drawing something will… clear my head…_

As she flipped through the pages in her sketchbook, she realizes that one page is missing. The watercolour of Alejandro is gone, smooth edge a result of her Essie carefully tearing out the page to hold something of her father (who Gwen had just forced out of her life).

All she can do is bend her page in her lap and sob.

* * *

**A/N: HOpe you guys enjoy this chapter. Things are going to get more tragic and convoluted but I promise Gwen and Alejandro will have a happy ending. **

**If you enjoy this you should check out my other Alejandro/ Gwen fic "distorted lenses"**

**As always, read and review. Until the next chapter guys**

**~Tariel**


	6. Chapter 6

When Duncan returns home with a sleeping Izzy in his arms, the house is too quiet and Gwen is awake, curled up against a pillow her eyes red rimmed with tears.

He tries the door to the room the twins' share but he finds it locked. A folded piece of paper has fallen in the hallway, a thick manila colored one.

It's the Strathmore paper, from Gwen's sketchbook. He hefts Izzy into one arm and leans down to grab the paper. The picture makes his heart stop beating, he sees red but forces himself to fold the paper and put it back in the hallway where he found it.

_After all these years…_

He knocks softly on the doorframe but Gwen is a million miles away. She jerks awake when Duncan slides her daughter next to her, and when her eyes lay on the child she flinches and slides out of bed.

"Oh pretty girl, what happened now?" Duncan can't find it in his heart to be upset at her, not when Essie is now where to be seen and her other has obviously been crying a river. She doesn't touch him, but only stares into his teal eyes with a hardened expression that softened into a questioning glance.

"I made you a promise." She whispers this as if she wants him to deny it.

"Which one. Ya know, over the course of 10 years we've made a lot of promises." His gentle tease does nothing for her accept maybe drawing a half a smile. Or she at least looks less tense.

"I promised if he ever came back, I'd push him right back out… or else you'd…" Her voice trails off again and she's not looking at him but at that damned piece of paper.

"Yeah, that one still stands." A hard gleam forms in his eyes making them look bluer, more like ice that teal.

"But you know I tried contacting him. When the twins were first born… I called from the number you managed to find and sent him emails and he just…didn't answer but now he was in the park and Essie got lost and then Alejandro rescued her and I yelled at him… That's why Essie's locked herself in the room…"

"With the drawing of Alejandro right?" He honestly didn't want to hurt her, but still. The entire situation was getting ridiculous.

"How could you let him get to Essie, Gwen? How could you let her get lost? I just don't understand how stupid I mean after the amusement park incident!"

"Yeah, the amusement park incident where you let my daughter out of your sight so you could get a snack. The incident where you let her get lost. She was 7 years old Duncan! You let my daughter get kidnapped in a fucking kiddie park! So don't you dare place the blame on me. It's your fault she cant even look strangers in the eye, it's your fault my baby is too terrified to go outside."

"Gwen, look I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for ever letting her out of my sight." She holds up a hand, shaking her head. He closes his eyes and rubs his temples. He is bone tired now; they are both trudging up old wounds that have only festered with the years.

"You know I love the girls… and I love you…"He takes a step forward hesitantly an she lowers her eyes, her expression is half confusion, half pain, half sorrow.

"She hasn't eaten since we got home. You know she's underweight for her age."

"Want me to get the door open I presume." She nods her ascent and leans up to kiss him softly on the lips. It's as much apology as he was going to get, so he kissed her back. He pulled away and held her gaze for a moment but then went to pick the door.

The door is old, and he breaks his credit card trying to open it (which makes Gwen giggle, so it was worth it) and finally he does. The room is dark, and smells terrible. He sees Essie crouched on floor, her stomach heaving and she is quietly sobbing.

"Duncan, go get the Nyquil. Break it in half and drop it in a glass of-"

"Milk and honey but make sure it's warm. I got it." Gwen slowly enters the room and Essie lifts her head up.

"You let the bad man take me away… Then you took Daddy away…" Essie is sobbing and she curls up in her comforter humming a Spanish lullaby softly. Gwen knows better than to approach her now like this but Duncan is there with glass of milk and honey.

"Panic attack?"

"She must be dreaming about her kidnapper again… The doctor said a stable environment should ease her PTSD but…" Gwen shakes her head and sighs deeply. Her skin looks gaunt and pale and in Duncan's eyes she looks so young and lost.

"I'm gonna go wake up Izzy and first thing in the morning we'll take them both to the doctors." Gwen nods slowly; this was how things were done. Duncan was her rock.

_But maybe Alejandro could have been if I had given him the chance…_

The random thought stumped her, but Essie started shivering then and Gwen rushed to her child's side

"Essie, its Mommy…"

"I want my Daddy…" She whispers this softy, and Gwen notes the evenness of her voice, a good sign.

_Thank god this attack wasn't as ad as before…_

"Sweetheart, I brought you something to drink." She offers the drink to her daughter, who eyes the milk suspiciously but leans forward to take a sip.

Izzy rushes to the door, her eyes still full of sleep but she sits down next to her sister. Essie visibly relaxes and Izzy wraps her arms around the younger mussing her hair.

"You cut your hair Essie…It's really cute!" She continues to babble about her day and Essie slowly falls asleep, her head against her sister's shoulder. Izzy kisses her forehead and wraps the blanket around them both, and on instinct Essie curls up murmuring and twisting resting listlessly.

Izzy turns and her eyes find her mothers in the darkness.

_She looks so old for her age… Always protecting and caring for Essie…. She understands her better than Duncan and I ever can._

"She's sick mom."

Gwen's mouth is dry, and she nods silently. Izzy smiles softly and curls up, her back turned to her mother.

"You are a good Mom… You do your best for us…"

"Thank you, Izzy."


	7. Chapter 7

The hospital walls are whiter than Gwen remembers. She keeps her eyes trained on the ceiling so she doesn't have to see how the wires and tubes stick out of her daughter. Essie looks so very tiny and small against the blue and white gown. Izzy is laid against her twins lap, her soft brown locks tumbling down.

_How did things get so out of control so fast? _

A soft tapping at the door draws Gwen's eyes away from the ceiling and to a young blond nurse. She carries a tray of food and smiles in Gwen's direction.

"Remember me?"

"Bridgette…?" Gwen manages to stutter out. She's gotten beautiful over the years, her blonde hair still sun-streaked and she is taller now. However, now her skin has an unhealthy pallor. Her blue eyes don't have that sparkle of youth, and in Gwen's eyes she looks tired.

"What happened to you Bridge?" Gwen pushes her chair to the side and takes the plate from Bridgette, and sets it to the side. Bridgette pulls her into a warm hug and Gwen melts, tears prickling at the corner of her eyes.

"Geoff got into surfing accident. He's beeI don't see you for 10 years and them I see you, in my town with twins in the hospital. I mean, the sporadic emails are one thing but couldn't you have at least told LeShawna and I?"

Bridgette is babbling and dimly Gwen remembers she does this when she has bad news but lets it slide. For now, she just needs someone to listen.

"I left the island because I was pregnant." Bridgette shakes her head, hiding a smile. She takes Gwen's hand and leads her two empty seats outside Essie's room.

"That's how you got those two beautiful little one's."

Gwen sighs, shaking her head and laughs bitterly.

"Alejandro's their father. At the time, I was with Duncan so we thought they were going to be his. But then the day came, and I delivered them at home. Two babies as brown as baked bread. I was still seventeen and he felt obligated to take car of us, that is me and the girls."

"Did you at least try and contact Alejandro, he has a right to know." Bridgette tentatively reaches over to place her hand on top of Gwen's.

"I tried. But he didn't answer. Besides, I want the finale. He hooked up with Heather. And besides, I've been in and out of the hospital since Essie's been born. She's been a sickly little thing…"

"Gwen, that isn't your fault." Gwen shakes her head and places a hand on her stomach.

"In my womb, Essie didn't get the nutrients she needed. Izzy was the bigger one, she…I don't know she was the only one to come out healthy. And now, she's got PTSD. She's been having panic attacks and refuses to eat. The doctors had to sedate her when we got hear. I don't know how I'm going to pay for the bills this time."

There was silence for a minute, both women lost in a train of thought.

"Let me be apart of you and twins' life." Bridgette's voice is fervent and she squeezes Gwen's hand gently.

"You don't have to ask Bridge, we've been through too much together." Gwen doesn't fail to notice the sad flash in Bridgette's blue eyes. But before she could question the other woman, she had stood up and dusted off her scrubs.

"I have runs to make with my other patients, but I'm going to see if I can be stations as Essie's main nurse." Bridgette tried to smile, but it only came out as a griman]ce. A chill slowly starts to creep up Gwen's spine, but just then Izzy walks out.

"She still hasn't woken up mommy… She's been sleep since the doctor's se… sedated her. Its called se…sedating right?" Her mother` can't help but laugh as Izzy trips over the unfamiliar word.

It's isn't a word a ten year old should know, but Gwen doesn't believe in hiding the truth from her girls. She loves them too much for that. Gwen holds onto her daughters and kisses her forehead softly.

"She'll be awake soon and everything will be just fine pretty girl." Izzy giggles at the use of the nickname, and the sound of her daughters laughter lifts her heart.

"Duncan should be here soon and you're gonna go home with him. I'm going to stay here with Essie okay?" Izzy opens her mouth as if to protest but stops at seeing the look in her mother's eyes.

"Okay mom, you know what's best."

Izzy shrugs her shoulders and climbs into her mothers lap, snuggling down to go back to sleep. A silence slivers down and only the sound of Izzy's breathing keeps Gwen from completely falling apart.

Something about this visit feels more ominous, and for a second Gwen truly fears for her daughters.

Before she can dwell on the situation, Gwen's phone rings. She slowly slides Izzy into the seat net to her and walks to the end of the hallway before answering.

"Duncan, where the hell are you. I have been waiting on you all day they had to sedate my daughter I needed you by my side today…" To her horror, tears are steaming down her face and her voice is cracking.

"Did you know about Geoff. He's been in a coma I know you kept track of things why…Duncan… God I'm so…" She is crying too hard to even speak, her chest is heaving and she has to lean against the wall to keep her balance.

"How am I going to pay these hospital bills? The doctors are running so many test on my baby…"

"Yes. I did now about Geoff but Essie was being hospitalized for pneumonia. I didn't want you rushing off trying to be some goddamned hero. I've been out today, I'm sorry I wasn't at your beck and call. I can't pick up Izzy tonight I'm picking up a double shift so we aren't going to be completely in debt."

The line goes dead, and Gwen bites her lips so she doesn't wake up Izzy. She wants to tell him he's wrong, that she has to be the hero since no one else will.

She walks back to Izzy and sets the sleeping child in her lap. Gwen rests her head on Izzy's hair and she smells nothing but the scent of marshmallows and promises.

"Everything's going to be okay. I promise Izzy…"

Alejandro sits at the bar and stares at his reflection. He can see every line in his face reflected in the colorless vodka he ordered.

"_You are nothing. Nothing to them and nothing to me." _

He takes a swing, one for sorrow and another for good measure. Her voice rings in his eyes, and the dull throb in his heart refuses to go away. The bartender is young and pretty with short hair and too much mascara, she reminds in of Gwen.

_Maybe I'll sleep with her tonight…_

He flashes his smiles, all dimples and crinkled green eyes but she looks at another man, tall and muscular with a familiar face.

Alejandro raises his glass to him, a mocking gesture and Duncan's teal eyes flash with anger.

"The man of the hour. Heard you're engaged. _Senorita, por favor, _a mug of dark beer for my friend here. You like beer, yes?" Duncan's fists are bawled and a vein is throbbing at the side of his head.

"I didn't come here so you by me a drink."

"Then why did you come? You won Duncan." Alejandro tries to hide the bitter edge in his voice by taking a long gulp of his drink.

"How did you even find me."

"A little bird told me. Came into my auto shop looking heartbroken. Had your stench all over him." Duncan spat in Alejandro's drink and before he can take another breath Alejandro has slammed his body against the bar.

"You dare to presume you know anything about my situation. I have been waiting ten yeas to find her only to find out she has you. You won. Let me leave this shit down in peace or I swear, you will be burned." His fist closes around Duncan trachea, his breath completely cut off. He wonders wait would happen if he killed him, right here and right now.

Gwen would be torn.

He lets go and sits back in his seat swirling around the straw.

"I'm leaving her." Alejandro continues staring in his drink, too tired to fight.

"Fucking bastard. You've got the girl of your dreams-"

"She wants you. She needs you. I'm not playing second fiddle to you anymore." Duncan takes a step back as if to walk away but Alejandro grabs his arms.

"You can't just walk away from her. From Essie and Izzy." He loves Gwen, he wants her but not like this.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Essie is sick. I can't be the man she wants me to. I can't…comfort her…" Duncan eyes the Latin man, ands sighs. Both men know truer words have never been spoken.

_I'm doing this for Gwen…_

Their eyes meet and for a second Duncan almost wants to call this suicide mission off, to go to the hospital and wrap Gwen in his arms.

_She deserves more than I can give…_

But Duncan has an open flight ticket, and he is leaving tonight to someplace where no one knows his name.

"Duncan, _amigo, _you can not leave."

"Watch me."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I changed some aspects of chapter 7. Gwen does let Bridgette and LeShawna know about Essie and Izzy. **

* * *

"Miss Brooke, I need to speak to you for a moment." The doctor's breaks the calm of the room. Gwen first looks to Izzy, who is curled up by the window, a large book in her lap. Everyday they have spent in the hospital the quieter she has gotten.

"I'll be right back Izzy, okay?" Her head perks up and she gives her mother a lopsided smile. Her eyes then turn to the doctor's, and her expression darkens instantly.

"Will you be able to save her?" The doctor regards her with a solemn expression, stepping forward as if to touch her and she shrinks down into her book.

"Don't stay anything. Just do it." She turns back to her book and is absorbed into the story.

"If you'll just step outside for a moment, it shouldn't take longer. Just some paperwork." The doctor opens the door for her and she steps outside a sense of foreboding growing n her breast.

"Please, sit down." She does and clutches the pink hairpin in her hand, her knuckles white and her breath shallow.

"We need to run to more blood tests and, with your permission, bone marrow tests. We've notice her red and white blood cells counts are low which we believe caused the anemia and eating problems…"

Vaguely, Gwen recognizes that the doctor is young, in his late twenties. He has a chiseled chin with a bad case of stubble and a worn, worldly look in his eyes.

"…Can be symptoms of leukemia but we aren't sure of anything…" The ice spreads farther up her spine, and her breaths comes in shallow, barely audible pants. Her hands shake as she signs form after form; the fragile pieces of paper seem to be never ending.

"These are the consent forms, if you'll just sign there at the bottom." His eyes soften slightly as he sees how badly the young woman's hands shake. Some of the ink smudges on her fingers as she scrawls her name at the bottom of the paper.

"Would you prefer me to run the blood tests while she's still sedated?" He sits down next to her and leans his head back against the wall. He's dealt with many cases, some good, most bad but never one that pulls at his heart as this one has does.

"Please…Essie…She's terrified of this…" Gwen gestures at the hospital rooms, the doctor's ad nurses milling around giving order. There is a tangible sense of hopelessness and fear; she doesn't ever remember being so frightened. The doctor nods his assent, his bottle black ink hair falling in front of his ice blue eyes. He takes the consent forms and the rest of the medical papers from Gwen's hand and turns his back.

"Wait, doctor, can I at least have your name" At the edge of her words is a small plea, a question.

"Branford. Doctor Branford."

Gwen bites her lip, her eyes watery and hands still shaking. She pulls out her iPhone and sees at least three missed calls from an unknown number. There is no call from Duncan. Not since last night.

Her fingers are tapping out his number on instinct; she needs to hear his voice, needs him to tell her everything is going to be okay. The call drops almost immediately, it only rings once. She doesn't leave a voicemail.

One thing is certain; she can't keep Izzy here with her at the hospital. For a moment, Gwen is lost. She's not sure whom to call but she remembers a brunette mom, one from the girls' school. A nice woman, one who talks too much but also woman who happened to fall in love with Izzy at first sight.

She dials her number and, within the hour Izzy is safely packed away in a house that smells like fresh baked chocolate cookies and apple pie instead of pastels paints and rock music. Gwen finds herself pacing in front of the vending machines; she's out of cash and doesn't want to leave Essie to go to the bank.

"Here" Doctor Branford slips a dollar into the machine and out pops a cinnamon bun, fat, sugary and just wants she needs. He grabs a chilled Starbucks coffee for himself and walks away, not giving her a chance to say thank you.

Her body collapses in the chair as she absentmindedly stuffs the sugary sweet into her mouth. The thought are roiling in her head, and every now and again she checks her phone to see if Duncan would call.

He hasn't, but a strange number is calling her again. Bridgette manages to find her sitting dejectedly, holding her phone in one hand and an empty wrapper in the other.

"There's a visitor for you and Essie, Gwen. Come on, pull it together." Bridgette puled her friend by the arm. She takes the wrapper from Gwen's right hand and the phone from the other, depositing the trash in the trash to their left.

"Get it together girl, Essie needs you." The sound of her daughters name manages to bring Gwen back to earth and she slowly runs a hand through her hair.

"I'm cutting my hair again. These long locks just aren't cutting it for me." It the first sentence she forces out, her voice sounds overly strained and Bridgette doesn't need to tell her about the bags under her eyes.

"I liked you better in shorter hair anyway _chica._" Gwen's eyes shoot up and met Alejandro's green ones. There is nothing but worry and pain and love in his eyes, no malice or ill will.

Just him.

"Alejandro…" She leans against the frame of the door, shaking her head back and forth slowly. She seems to deflate at the sight of him, and she takes a step backwards bumping into Bridgette who pushes her toward the Latin man.

"You aren't running away from this. You need him. I'll be outside if you need me." Bridgette's eyes meet Alejandro's and he nods gratefully at her. He'll repay her later, twenty times over. Gwen doesn't notice Bridgette leaving; her eyes are fixated on him.

He takes a step forward, no hesitation and when she doesn't flee, draws her into his arms. She presses her body against his, moving her hands up to clutch at his sweater and buries her face in his neck and she smells the soothing scent of tea tree oil and cinnamon.

"How I have missed you [sweet one]" He murmurs softly against her ear kissing her softly on her forehead.

"Leukemia…." The word catches in throat, and his body stiffens in shock. His arm wraps tighter around her waist, right on that curve where his hand fits perfectly. He other hand moves to bring her face to his, making them look eye to eye.

"Do they know for sure." Gwen doesn't know how he keeps his voice so low, so calm and controlled but she's glad he can be. It's all she needs.

"No but…" He cuts her off by placing a finger on her lips and she blushes, a pale pink color. They stand there for a minute; the only sound the beeping of the heart monitors and Essie's labored breathing.

A soft knock at the door at the door makes Gwen jerk away from him, and she rushes toward Brandford, a hopeful gleam in her eyes. Branford shakes his head and smiles ruefully at her.

"Sorry Ms.… Mrs.…? Brooke. Essie has woken up enough for my assistant and I to run the bone marrow tests. We need a sterile environment, so we'll need you and…" He glances at Alejandro, an uncertain look in his eyes.

"Alejandro. This little ones father." He gestures at Essie before staring coolly back at Brandford. The doctors ice blue eyes flashed, and the certain look is replaced with a deep frown.

"There is no reference to any sort of father in her or her sisters medical history. In order cover everything we need to we'll need a copy of your medical history."

"It's done. But first, the bone marrow test. I understand it takes at least a day to get results, so take care of her first. You'll get everything you need from me, but take care of my daughter."

The men stood each other done, Alejandro having a good inch or so over the doctor.

"Please, I just want this over…" Essie's croaking voice made her the instant center of attention. Branford was first at her side, checking her temperature and heart rates.

"How are you feeling sweetheart?" The doctor's gentle tone of voice suitably shocked them both. Essie didn't even seem terrified of him, her green eyes glassy and unfocused as she tried to form the words to respond.

"I feel…sluggish…can I go home now…" Gwen and Alejandro both saw how the doctor managed to smile warmly at her.

"Just one more test and we should have you home soon. Your mom and dad are here, they been waiting for you." Brandford moves out of the way and Essie's gaze wanders over to her mother and Alejandro. Her eyes widen and she smiles warmly and tries to reach her arms out to them.

"Don't try and move. You'll have to hold still for this okay? I promise it won't hurt a bit. Your mother and father will be right outside that window."

"Daddy…" Alejandro steps forward and smooth's the hair off of her forehead and kisses her on the forehead.

"We'll be right here little one. Be brave." He takes Gwen by the hand but she slips out and squeezes her daughter's hand once, smiling comfortingly at her daughter.

Alejandro leads Gwen out to the outside pane of the window and they stand there, hand in hand until it's all over.

And this time, neither pulls away.


	9. Chapter 9

"You've changed." It's the first phrase Alejandro has heard Gwen say; the young mother has been in a state of shock and fear since Branford had run the bone marrow tests. Alejandro had been there for Gwen, both adults saying nothing to each other, but that didn't stop him from drawing Gwen into his arms.

The two had only held each other only letting to check on Essie who lay listlessly in the hospital bed. His arms ache to press her against him again, but now that the shok has abated she can barely look at him.

"Changed how?" He isn't sure how to speak to her anymore; the easygoingness of their shared past has evaporated. Part of him wants to reach out to her, to touch her, to hold her.

But he won't. He can't. Not yet.

Maybe not ever again.

"Part of me is actually believing this pretense you're putting on. The one where you actually care about Essie. I mean, really what's you're angle. What are you going to gain by coming into my life, our lives? Alejandro… I can't deal with-"

His lips crashing down on hers effectively cut off her rant; his tongue is prying into her mouth, his hands clutching her shoulders. Gwen doesn't have time to respond, doesn't have time to squirm away or kiss him back because he has pulled away just as suddenly.

"I won't be so nice the next time you start uttering bullshit."

"All that just to shut me up."

"_Si." _

"You bastard, how dare you!" Gwen stands up, fire burning in her eyes and her fists clenched into fists. Alejandro too stands up and he towers over her, just as angry.

_If it's a fight she wants she'll get one. _

"We need to talk. Once I would have played these petty little games but too much is at stake now."

"What is there to talk about?" Gwen's voice raises with every word, her eyes flashing dangerously, causing Bridgette to poke her head in, a worried look in eye.

"You two need to go get all of this misplaced aggression out someplace else. Go for a walk. But you aren't doing this around your daughter. She needs you both."

A hand is on the curve of one of Bridgette's hips and she glares openly at the both of them. A silence stretches out, the three adults seizing each other up before a wordless Gwen stalks out of the room. A half a heartbeat later Alejandro follows her but not before muttering a soft "thank you" to the blonde.

She only shakes her head in reply, pointing to the fast disappearing figure of Gwen.

"Go."

His strides are longer than hers so it doesn't take much effort to catch up. He tries to grab one of Gwen's hands but she violently jerks away from him. They say nothing to each other as she walks them out of the hospital to an isolated park directly across.

Only then does she turn to him, her hands stuffed in her jacket pockets and an unreadable expression in her eye.

"Why are you here Alejandro?" Somehow she manages to keep her voice flat, no emotion of any kind can be perceived. He doesn't even have to take a breath; its as if this is the moment he was waiting for.

"I missed you. I wanted to right the wrongs. I wanted closure from our break up-"

"You hooked up with Heather almost immediately after we broke up."

"I did." His eyes betrayed his haughty stance. Those eyes held a mixture of regret and an emotion Gwen couldn't place.

"Why did you leave me." A cold breeze blows through them, making her shiver and wrap her arms around herself. He steps closer placing a hand under her chin effectively raising her eyes.

"I was weak. And stupid. I never once felt good enough and I was tired of competing for you. You were always playing with the other girls' emotions, always getting too close to them... You didn't address my insecurities, you didn't appreciate me; you keep our relationship under wraps. That's why I left. You used me."

"Gwen, I'm sorry-"

"You don't owe me an apology. It's nice that after ten years you finally do. But it changes nothing. It doesn't reverse the actions you committed or correct any damage."

Gwen's eyes flicker, looking at everything but him. She can't face him, not after this. Alejandro takes a step closer to her placing both hands on her shoulders, shaking her. He isn't angry; he only feels the type of tired that etches itself inside a person soul.

The type of tired a man can never forget or shake off.

"I don't know what to say to you. I could say I'm sorry but it's obviously not enough. I could yell and scream at you but that would only give you an excuse to push me out of your life again. Face the facts Gwen _you_ pushed me out. You never gave me a chance; you never let me in far enough to look at the damage. You left me, not the other way around."

Gwen is outright shivering now, her face crumpling with every word. Alejandro sighs and slips off his jacket placing it around her shoulders.

"I didn't know I was pregnant when I left you. I tried contacting you… I called your house and emailed you and you didn't reply… Duncan found…" Gwen's eyes widened, the epiphany crashed down on her like cold water.

"He lied to me."

"Gwen…"

"Don't you dare make excuses for him. I knew it." She laughed then, a harsh grating sound coming from deep inside her. Bitterness crept into her eyes, and for a moment she looked just like her drawings.

Melancholy and so very sad…

"Gwen."

"Don't. Don't get close to me. Not now at least. If you do and I fall for you again it will be for all the wrong reasons-"

She flinches openly, her eyes downcast as he brushes cups her cheeks with his hands. She almost hears his heart breaking, but it doesn't stop him from drawing her into his arms. The familiarity of the embrace makes the tears she has been holding back break free and she presses him closer, burying her face in his neck. Her hands snake up his back and clutch the woolen fabric of his shirt tightly.

Words are unnecessary items, nothing they say to each other will make a difference but they don't let go.

Not even and Alejandro leans down to place his lips on hers, kissing her softly and sweetly. Not demanding, not hot and yet passionately.

She doesn't pull back, but kisses him back sighs softly against his lips.

As if reality is calling them back to earth, her phone rings the silence they have created but as she goes to pull away he holds her to him.

"Don't go." She hesitates, but stays in his arms. Her phone rings and rings and rings; Alejandro vaguely recognizes the song set to her ringtone.

"Last train home. Ryan Star." She nods slightly, shocked he would eve remember something as mundane as they song they shared.. It goes to voicemail and Bridgette's frantic voice can be heard.

"Gwen, come back. Branford came back and he's looking for you. You have to be here." Bridgette's voice hesitates, stopping her train of speech and Gwen hears her swallow.

"Tell Alejandro to come too."

They arrive in the hospital shortly after the phone call, Gwen practically running herself there leaving Alejandro to keep up.

He grabs her by the shoulders and spins her to face him.

"Chica, calm down. Everything is going to be fine. You have to be strong, for Essie." She smiles weakly at him and turns her head, staring at the whitewashed walls of the hospital.

"I don't have that kind of faith anymore Alejandro."

She pulls away, walking to Essie's door. She inhales slowly, trying to calm herself.

_Everything is going to be okay. Essie is strong. Am strong. Everything is going to be okay. _

Brandford is sitting by Essie's beside table his arms crossed. His shaggy pitch black hair is covering his ice blue eyes, his body language screams exhaustion. He hears Gwen's footsteps and instantly stands up, staring directly at her.

"Ms. Brooke."

"Please, call me Gwen." The somber look in his eyes deepens and he gestures for Gwen to step outside with him.

"My name is John. John Branford."

A look of confusion flits across Gwen's face before realization sets in.

'I asked you you're name. Why now John?"

"I'm so sorry Gwen."

Ice knots in her stomach, and all at once the world crashes down on her shoulders. Her vision is blurry, but she won't cry.

_Everything is going to be okay… Like Alejandro said…_

"The test results came back in. Your daughter… She's been diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia."


End file.
